Praise the Lord!

As I sit here hurting and sad that I cannot be in Omaha right now, I have to look past my own selfishness and realize that there are much bigger things going on than who is where in this world. The most important thing I have realized today is that the bigger picture shows that the right people were in the right place at the right time. A grieving family was in the right place, even though I am sure they didn't realize it at the time, and made the right decision to save other lives. I pray for peace for them and I hope and pray that someday they understand the full value of and complete gratefulness we have for their decision. Thank you for accepting the path that God chose for your loved one and donating what physical life they had left to others in need. Because of your selfless decision our Aunt now has an opportunity at a healthy life, a life she has built with her strong husband, wonderful children and amazing grandchildren. A life she lives through Christ, for Christ and with Christ. This has been a long and painful road but the time has come, the time for Liz to get her new liver and start the healing process. A year and a half ago my brother-in-law, Chad donated half of his liver to Liz iin her first transplant surgery. What a hero! What an amazing gift to give someone! He allowed her body to heal, become healthier and prepare for this new, whole liver that will now offer greater chances of an even healthier life. Of course greater chances mean greater risks...a second transplant is always riskier. It is always concerning and always scary. Right now we have to Praise our Lord and His wonderful plan...even though we have no clue what that might be. We have to know the He is in complete control and will provide for Liz, Jim and our entire family. Regardless of our differences, our own moments of selfishness...we come together to support each other and pray...pray for the surgeons preparing for surgery, pray for the nurses, pray for the family and friends affected by the loss of their loved one today, pray for our family and most importantly pray for Liz and her ability to accept this transplant and heal. I can babble on for hours and hours (as everyone knows!) but I could never express my sincere appreciation to that family, my absolute faith in God's mercy and my unconditional love for my family. The good...the bad...and the crazy! LOL! In all seriousness though...hold your loved ones, keep them close and even if that means you cannot be beside them at the most difficult times...keep them close in your heart, your thoughts and your prayers to our Almighty Father.
Much love and peace,
Chrystal

Ready to be pain-free!

For some time now I have been dealing with pain....lots of pain. I have put this surgery off for a while because I know it's minor and no big deal, but the more I think of it the more I can't help but wonder if this will be a "cure" to everything I have been dealing with...even though it would most likely just be temporary. Next Tuesday I will go in for a sonogram to check and see if there is anything "major" going on in addition to endometriosis. Then on Friday, I will have a laparscopy done to clean me up, so to speak. Doctor believes that I potentially have some endometriosis that has leached on to my colon and possibly my bladder. He wants to go in and clean all that up and while he's in there he will clean out my tubes......again. My doctor thinks this will help in our efforts to get pregnant as well, but honestly right now I just want the pain gone. After six years of trying for another blessing I am not keeping my hopes up for anything to help us. I think God has just decided that three boys are it for us and honestly I am ok with that. I have come to a point of peace and acceptance that there are other things I need to focus on right now and if some day down the road God sees fit to bless us again with a baby then that will be amazingly wonderful, but if not...we are purely blessed with our rowdy, amazing boys!
I am also still focusing on my healthier lifestyle...I kinda slipped this past week and again I have a million excuses why, but ultimately I just got lazy and tired. So after being sick these last couple days I am ready to get back on it and see where the road takes me! Looking for that size 6 by summer :)

Missing my baby today...

I had an opportunity lately to add another fur-baby to our family. As cute as they were and as much as I could've easily taken one home...I just can't do it...yet. Clint wasn't totally convinced either so I just knew that right now wasn't the right time for a new addition (in the furry sense) LOL!
Cohen at five weeks old: November 16th, 2010

 

and Cohen at 1 year and five weeks November, 17th, 2011

Isn't he cute...I miss him so much. I miss walking into the kitchen every morning and him greeting me. Staring up at me with those adorable eyes and perky ears. One thing most people don't know about yorkies is that they can smile. Actually smile. Cohen had that ability. I could usually just say his name and he would have the cutest little smile for me. I hate that he's gone...I know he's "just a dog" to most people, but he sure was more than that to me. I know I'll never replace him in my heart, but I don't think I'm ready to even replace him in my home. I miss you so much little Cohen Theodore.

Down 6lbs total...

Well as of today I am down 6lbs. It's not much but it's a start. I can't wait until that is more like 60lbs. Ok, well not THAT much...but pretty close LOL! It is hard, but honestly it's a change that has been needed for a long time. It's not about telling myself I can't have something, it's about telling myself that I can have life, energy and overall good health. I am excited to see what the future holds for me and my health :)

Well that didn't go so well...

So I drank my weight in water yesterday, but did enjoy dinner with my boys...of course this morning I was up 2.4lbs. SERIOUSLY!?!?! Ugh! Well I kinda new it was coming, I am still retaining some water, so maybe I'll be able to flush it out today. Weekly I am still doing good, I am basing my progress on weekly weigh ins so Sunday will show for sure!!!! Well off to eat my yogurt and eggs LOL!!! :)

"Why are we fat?"

I read a post on a talk forum today. A guy asked "Why are we fat?". I read hundreds of replies, "I quit smoking", "I had babies", "I got a divorce".

Excuses! Excuses are why we are fat. I have tons of them too! I was the smallest kid in my class my entire life. I weighed a whopping 105lbs the day I graduated from high school. I was 110lbs the day I got pregnant with my first child. I use to look at people growing up and ask "Gosh, how did they let themselves get that way" "How could they do that to themselves, that's just gross". Yes, I was that shallow, judgmental person. Then I started eating anything and everything I wanted, I did nothing to really lose weight or keep remotely in shape. So after three pregnancies, numerous desk jobs, one bout of depression, three rounds of fertility meds and a thousand more excuses I was at my heaviest weight....174lbs. HOLY COW! How did I let myself get this way? How could I let myself get into such an unhealthy state? Excuses! I understand that people emotionally eat due to childhood issues or get bed ridden with injuries, but mine are simply excuses. I pretty much have an excuse for every reason I eat. Well I can't do it anymore. I watched a friend of mine make a New Year's Resolution last year to lose weight and of course most resolutions fail...she is down 120lbs! She is in the best shape and looks outstanding. Most importantly, she is happy! I am so proud of her! She is an inspiration to me and now she checks in on me :) So here I go...I started this year at 169.8lbs (the second heaviest I have ever been (by 5 lbs)! I'm proud to say after day 7 that I am already down 5.8lbs. WOOHOO!!!!
www.myfitnesspal.com

Been a while!

It's been a while since I've been on here, but I thought it was time to update! :)

Nothing really new with our very busy family...football started and we are pumped! Kalib and Ethan get to play tackle football this year and Jax will continue playing flag football since he is still too young for tackle. I love watching them practice and everyday they continue to amaze me. I realize just how lucky I am to have such wonderful and amazing boys.

I wanted to share a journey that Clint and I have been on these last several years. It has been heartbreaking and upsetting to say the least. Clint and I have a great desire to add to our family. We have always known that a large family is something we would love to have. While we have tried a lot of different avenues to make this happen, it simply has not. I finally hit a point last week where it all hit me. I couldn't understand why? What we did wrong? I honestly questioned God. It wasn't intentional, it wasn't in vain, it was out of grief and hurt that I had in my heart for this desire and longing. I had some really amazing friends point out to me how I shouldn't question His plan, but be grateful for the plan He has for me...whatever that may be. I also learned through these friends that this infertility is a grief and I need to deal with my emotions. I have fought them for so long and it's time to let them out. I have tried to protect myself from these feelings by not letting others know just how badly my heart is hurting. How I am literally grieving the loss of a child I may never have. It is a true grief, it is heartbreak in it's raw form. Everyday I am learning so much about this process and my feelings, I am learning how to cope and move forward in my life. I leaned on an old classmate of mine for some advice on a different avenue and her words were so inspiring and really gave me so much to think about. I cannot elaborate on them right now, but hold them very dear to my heart. Thank you Lindsey! I am not sure why I am posting this on my blog, except that maybe this is a type of "therapy" for me...in addition to what I am already seeking, maybe this is a way to cope and get it all out on the table. Maybe this is to inform people that I'm hurting. I honestly started having a thought in my head of "No one cares...if they cared, they would ask" well how can someone care or know if I don't tell them. So here it is, not only am I hurting and grieving...Clint is also. He hurts and longs for another child and is literally envious of those that can concieve. Our boys ask all the time "When are we going to have a baby" I wish I had an answer, I wish I could tell them why or if this will ever happen. So there it all is...as painful as it is to show our vunerability...