Ready to be pain-free!

For some time now I have been dealing with pain....lots of pain. I have put this surgery off for a while because I know it's minor and no big deal, but the more I think of it the more I can't help but wonder if this will be a "cure" to everything I have been dealing with...even though it would most likely just be temporary. Next Tuesday I will go in for a sonogram to check and see if there is anything "major" going on in addition to endometriosis. Then on Friday, I will have a laparscopy done to clean me up, so to speak. Doctor believes that I potentially have some endometriosis that has leached on to my colon and possibly my bladder. He wants to go in and clean all that up and while he's in there he will clean out my tubes......again. My doctor thinks this will help in our efforts to get pregnant as well, but honestly right now I just want the pain gone. After six years of trying for another blessing I am not keeping my hopes up for anything to help us. I think God has just decided that three boys are it for us and honestly I am ok with that. I have come to a point of peace and acceptance that there are other things I need to focus on right now and if some day down the road God sees fit to bless us again with a baby then that will be amazingly wonderful, but if not...we are purely blessed with our rowdy, amazing boys!
I am also still focusing on my healthier lifestyle...I kinda slipped this past week and again I have a million excuses why, but ultimately I just got lazy and tired. So after being sick these last couple days I am ready to get back on it and see where the road takes me! Looking for that size 6 by summer :)

Missing my baby today...

I had an opportunity lately to add another fur-baby to our family. As cute as they were and as much as I could've easily taken one home...I just can't do it...yet. Clint wasn't totally convinced either so I just knew that right now wasn't the right time for a new addition (in the furry sense) LOL!
Cohen at five weeks old: November 16th, 2010

 

and Cohen at 1 year and five weeks November, 17th, 2011

Isn't he cute...I miss him so much. I miss walking into the kitchen every morning and him greeting me. Staring up at me with those adorable eyes and perky ears. One thing most people don't know about yorkies is that they can smile. Actually smile. Cohen had that ability. I could usually just say his name and he would have the cutest little smile for me. I hate that he's gone...I know he's "just a dog" to most people, but he sure was more than that to me. I know I'll never replace him in my heart, but I don't think I'm ready to even replace him in my home. I miss you so much little Cohen Theodore.

Down 6lbs total...

Well as of today I am down 6lbs. It's not much but it's a start. I can't wait until that is more like 60lbs. Ok, well not THAT much...but pretty close LOL! It is hard, but honestly it's a change that has been needed for a long time. It's not about telling myself I can't have something, it's about telling myself that I can have life, energy and overall good health. I am excited to see what the future holds for me and my health :)

Well that didn't go so well...

So I drank my weight in water yesterday, but did enjoy dinner with my boys...of course this morning I was up 2.4lbs. SERIOUSLY!?!?! Ugh! Well I kinda new it was coming, I am still retaining some water, so maybe I'll be able to flush it out today. Weekly I am still doing good, I am basing my progress on weekly weigh ins so Sunday will show for sure!!!! Well off to eat my yogurt and eggs LOL!!! :)

"Why are we fat?"

I read a post on a talk forum today. A guy asked "Why are we fat?". I read hundreds of replies, "I quit smoking", "I had babies", "I got a divorce".

Excuses! Excuses are why we are fat. I have tons of them too! I was the smallest kid in my class my entire life. I weighed a whopping 105lbs the day I graduated from high school. I was 110lbs the day I got pregnant with my first child. I use to look at people growing up and ask "Gosh, how did they let themselves get that way" "How could they do that to themselves, that's just gross". Yes, I was that shallow, judgmental person. Then I started eating anything and everything I wanted, I did nothing to really lose weight or keep remotely in shape. So after three pregnancies, numerous desk jobs, one bout of depression, three rounds of fertility meds and a thousand more excuses I was at my heaviest weight....174lbs. HOLY COW! How did I let myself get this way? How could I let myself get into such an unhealthy state? Excuses! I understand that people emotionally eat due to childhood issues or get bed ridden with injuries, but mine are simply excuses. I pretty much have an excuse for every reason I eat. Well I can't do it anymore. I watched a friend of mine make a New Year's Resolution last year to lose weight and of course most resolutions fail...she is down 120lbs! She is in the best shape and looks outstanding. Most importantly, she is happy! I am so proud of her! She is an inspiration to me and now she checks in on me :) So here I go...I started this year at 169.8lbs (the second heaviest I have ever been (by 5 lbs)! I'm proud to say after day 7 that I am already down 5.8lbs. WOOHOO!!!!
www.myfitnesspal.com